Like
everyone else on planet earth, I’m a little obsessive. I obsess in the middle
of the night, whilst driving, whilst having conversations with boring people (the
glazed over look is not because I'm stupid. Honest) even while I’m reading
books (because I am woman therefore I can multi-task with the best of them). The
thing that's always at the front of my mind is the future. That sainted place
full of hope and possibility where anything can happen. Full of excitement and
fantasy... Michael Bublee leaving his wife to set up home in a nudist colony
with me, Channing Tatum realising that I am the XL to his Magic Mike... you get
the picture.
But when you have a disabled child,
the picture becomes different. Suddenly, you won't have those free twilight
years to go travelling around the world on a luxury yatch with Chris Hemsworth because
you'll still be a full time parent to a disabled adult. And that can be a bit
tricky.
Suddenly, dying is even more
terrifying that it was before. Because now you'll be leaving behind someone who
needs you. Thus the panic ensues. And, briefly, you have to give way to that
panic. Because this isn't what you were expecting. Everyone starts their
working lives looking forward to finishing their working lives. Your job will
not stop until the day you cease this mortal coil. So it's a total world
rocker, a life changer.
When
were diagnosed, I panicked. And I cried a bit. Then I felt sorry- both for
myself and for Georgie- poor kid, having to be with me for the rest of my days.
Then I prayed- I prayed that we'd get that far. That she would live a long
life. And then I got some perspective and made some major changes. Here, in a
nutshell, is the list of my ‘I need to live until I’m one hundred and fifty-three’
actions:
- I switched to a whole foods- plant based diet. Yep, you read me right gang, I went vegan. After reading loads and loads on the Internet (which we all know is the most reliable source of information ever), I decided that, if I need to live forever, vegan is the way to go. Because I have a slightly excitable, some (my husband) might say obsessive, I am also in the process of ditching anything toxic that comes into contact with my body- I have fennel toothpaste (enough said), rose water shower gel (smells lovely but is totally rubbish at cleaning) and non-toxic aloe vera deodorant. The overall picture is a treat isn't it. Although I'm not sure I'm free of toxins, I am free of friends. No-body wants to sit next to me at church. But hey ho, this gives me even more time to spend on my second obsession...
- I run. A lot more than I used to. On a serious note, running is my therapy. I spent 18 months on anti-depressants for post-natal depression after Georgie was born. The only reason I was able to come off them was because of the running. As well as being great for my body, it's amazing for clearing my (already pretty vacuous) mind... it also allows me to entertain George Clooney on a private jet... I haven't got rid of all my fantasies.
- I abstain: From drink. From cigarettes. From sugar. From caffeine. Because I may be slightly obsessive, I have been addicted to most of these things at some point in my life. I smoked for fifteen years and always drank to get drunk. But the hardest on to give up (and still is, I have my weak days) is the sugar. Man, it's got a hold of me unlike anything else. That one is a work in progress, watch this space...
So that's it. I know what you're thinking, 'wow, Kelly has the
coolest, most exciting life ever. I wish I could be just like her.' Well kids,
you're in luck... no, not really. It's not the life of a normal person. But
then I've never been normal, Georgie or no Georgie.
My doctor says it's a
control thing. That because I cannot control Georgie's symptoms, I micro-manage
my health. And maybe she's right. It does make me feel better- physically and
mentally. I'm stronger, leaner and healthier than I've ever been. Georgie is my
motivation: I have to be strong for her. I have to live a long time and be able
to care for her. I don't see it as a burden, I see it as a challenge.
And as for futurising?
Now when I look into the future, I imagine me running a marathon (looking
really svelte of course) whilst eating a chickpea burger and there, at the
finish line, is gorgeous Georgie and, pushing her wheelchair is Channing
Tatum... well, a girl can dream.
